November 5th, 2011


November 2011


Dear Friends of German Humour,
Hope all is well and I hope you don’t hold it against me if I cheat a bit with this month’s newsletter by simply emailing out my script from today’s Now Show on Radio 4.

Here goes: Last week I did a gig in Mold in North Wales demanding the locals show some gratitude to London’s taxpayers for building them such a nice theatre and then also giving them money to buy the tickets.

It took them a while but once the simple souls understood how it all works they were very grateful indeed!

I am sure it would have been a much tougher sell for a born-and-bread Londoner than me pseudo Cockney.

But there are topics that are much harder to discuss with my passport.

I would love to discuss how undignified and utterly un-British I found the England football team demanding to wear poppies in their game with Spain.

I am sure you remember the game last Saturday, when England won the World Cup?

Unfortunately my nationality prevents me from asking if anyone really wants their ancestors remembered by John Terry and his mates.

If I were British, people might call me a Communist or something else starting with ‘C’ but at least I would be a British ‘C’ and as such entitled to an opinion, no matter how wrong.

I could point out, in my typical self-righteous way, that England has played games for over 90 years since the first Armistice Day without the marketing department of US footwear manufacturer Nike making Chinese infants stitch little poppies on the boots of the England team.

To mark the occasion, the English Football Association even made their manager Don Corleone glue a massive bunch of flowers to his suit. He looked less like a football manager and more like a lamppost where a child had been run over. Or far worse – someone going on a stag-do.

And we all know what happened the last time an England team confused a major sporting event with a stag-do. Instead of egg-shaped balls the rugby team threw dwarfs about and a month later the manager is out a job.

At least the rugby world cup disproved the age-old nonsense that it’s only Premier League footballers that don’t know how to behave. The only reason cricket and rugby players don’t crash three Ferraris a fortnight is they can’t afford them. Driving a golf cart up the M4 is as far as their money goes.

The Eurozone is going tits up and China is about to take over yet the national agenda is dominated by the football team being allowed to wear a symbol that has nothing to do with football and as such is in clear contravention of FIFA rules, unusually sensible FIFA rules.

Certainly more sensible than Sepp Blatter’s suggestion that players should shake hands and make up on the pitch and not turn every racist incident into a public spectacle. He really is out of touch.

The Terry – Ferdinand palaver is the only bit of good news for the British economy in a long time.

The inquiry will allow lawyers to bill astronomical fees and even better: the jobs of the do-gooders at the Kick-it-out anti racism initiative are safe for years to come.

So, Blatter shut up and focus on what you’re best at – handing out and receiving brown paper bags.

Mind you, that’s a practice best avoided.

Unless you want to end up like Southern Europe. Bust and waiting for money from Germany. By legitimate bank transfer.

To be fair the Greeks are very unfortunate because they’ve really tried everything to get out the economic hole. Paying themselves more, borrowing more, rioting, hosting the Olympic Games – all the things Britain’s trying.

They even tried to improve their fortune by going on strike. But turns out not working doesn’t help either. Strange. Who would have thought?

But let’s be honest. The macro economic difference between a Greek civil servant behind his desk or on strike is negligible. Them turning up in the morning is never more than a nice gesture. In many ways I prefer them on strike as then it’s harder for them to accept bribes.

And don’t think going on holidays over there is helping matters. It’s not the people that are bust. It’s the state that’s bust. And if you’re going on holidays to Greece all the money will end up in the pockets of some oligarchs and the state will see none of it.

If you’re serious about helping Greece, Portugal, Italy and all that lot you must go on holidays to Germany!

Because our hotels, restaurants and tour operators do pay taxes which Berlin then can hand to Athens, Lisbon, Rome and all those other basket cases.

I tell you what: if their air traffic controllers had any sense they would reroute all incoming flights, they would reroute them to Germany in their own countries’ best interest. But they’re obviously not doing that. Because they’re obviously on strike. Paid for by Germany. You gotta laugh!

See, yes, I can’t really question anything to do with British symbolism, propaganda and forced grief but we can all laugh together about them lazy, work-shy Southern Europeans. Haha! Aren’t they stupid?!

Have a great month

Henning

2011, Monthly Bulletins

Posted by Henning Wehn on Saturday, November 5th, 2011.



March 2017

2 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – SOLD OUT – Extra date added 12th November
3 – CHELTENHAM – Town Hall – SOLD OUT
4 – BRISTOL – Colston Halls – SOLD OUT
9 – HARLOW – Playhouse – SOLD OUT
10 – PETERBOROUGH – The Cresset – SOLD OUT
11 – LINCOLN – Engine Shed – SOLD OUT
16 – BEDFORD – Corn Exchange – SOLD OUT
17 – LANCASTER – Grand Theatre – SOLD OUT
18 – GLASGOW – Kings Theatre – SOLD OUT
19 – BARROW IN FURNESS – The Forum – SOLD OUT
Leicester Square Theatre – Limited number of STANDING TICKETS available 48 hours before each performance
EXTRA LONDON DATE JUST ANNOUNCED – Hackney Empire 26th October – TICKETS
23 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
24 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
25 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
29 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
30 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
31 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT

April 2017

1 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
2 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
5 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
6 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
7 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
8 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
27 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – SOLD OUT – Extra dates 13th & 14th October 2017 – TICKETS
28 – SOUTHPORT – The Atkinson – SOLD OUT
29 – DOUGLAS – ISLE OF MAN – The Gaiety Theatre – TICKETS

May 2017

4 – REDHILL – Harlequin – SOLD OUT
5 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – SOLD OUT – Extra date added 25th November – TICKETS
6 – BROMLEY – Churchill Theatre – SOLD OUT
10 – OXFORD – Playhouse – SOLD OUT – Extra date added 31st May – TICKETS
11 – STAFFORD – Gatehouse – SOLD OUT
12 – SHEFFIELD – Octagon – TICKETS
13 – COLNE – The Muni – TICKETS
14 – BUXTON – Opera House – SOLD OUT
19 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – SOLD OUT – Extra date 2nd November – TICKETS
20 – COVENTRY – Warwick Arts Centre Butterworth Hall – SOLD OUT
21 – LEICESTER – The Curve – TICKETS
24 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS – NEW MATERIAL NIGHT – NOT A SHOW
26 – WESTON SUPER MARE – The Playhouse – TICKETS
27 – YEOVIL – Westlands – TICKETS
28 – SOUTHAMPTON – Nuffield Theatre – SOLD OUT
31 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS

June 2017

1 – NORTHAMPTON – Derngate – TICKETS
2 – TORQUAY – Babbacombe Theatre – DVD Recording – TICKETS
3 – TORQUAY – Babbacombe Theatre – DVD Recording – TICKETS
9 – GUILDFORD – G Live – TICKETS
10 – READING – Hexagon – SOLD OUT – Extra date added 8th November TICKETS
11 – BOURNEMOUTH – Pavilion – TICKETS
17 – JERSEY – Opera House – TICKETS
19 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS – NEW MATERIAL NIGHT – NOT A SHOW
21 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS – NEW MATERIAL NIGHT – NOT A SHOW

July 2017

24 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS – NEW MATERIAL NIGHT – NOT A SHOW
25 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS – NEW MATERIAL NIGHT – NOT A SHOW
26 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS – NEW MATERIAL NIGHT – NOT A SHOW
28 – BARTON on HUMBER – Ropewalk – TICKETS SOON
29 – YORK – Barbican – Great Yorkshire Fringe – TICKETS SOON
30 – MACCLESFIELD – Gawsworth Hall – TICKETS

August 2017

3 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
4 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
5 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
6 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
10 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
11 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
12 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
13 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
17 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
18 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
19 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
20 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS

September 2017

20 – EPSOM – Playhouse – TICKETS
21 – DUNSTABLE – Grove Theatre – TICKETS
22 – DARTFORD – The Orchard – TICKETS
23 – TUNBRIDGE WELLS – Assembly Hall – TICKETS
29 – CLACTON-on-SEA – Princes Theatre – TICKETS
30 – IPSWICH – Regent Theatre – TICKETS

October 2017

1 – LOWESTOFT – Marina Theatre – TICKETS SOON
6 – HIGH WYCOMBE – The Swan – TICKETS
7 – WATFORD – Colosseum – TICKETS
8 – LEAMINGTON SPA – Royal Spa Centre – TICKETS SOON
12 – WREXHAM – William Aston Hall – TICKETS
13 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – SOLD OUT
14 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS
15 – KETTERING Lighthouse – TICKETS
19 – DONCASTER – Cast – TICKETS SOON
20 – KENDAL – Westmoreland Hall – TICKETS
21 – CARLISLE – Sands Centre – TICKETS
22 – NEWCASTLE – Theatre Royal – TICKETS
26 – LONDON – Hackney Empire – TICKETS
27 – WOLVERHAMPTON – Wulfrun Hall – TICKETS
28 – MELTON MOWBRAY – Melton Theatre – TICKETS
29 – CHESTERFIELD – Pomegranate Theatre – TICKETS

November 2017

2 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – TICKETS
3 – CRAWLEY – The Hawth  – TICKETS
8 – READING – Hexagon – TICKETS
9 – CANTERBURY – Marlowe Theatre – TICKETS SOON
11 – STOCKPORT – Plaza – TICKETS
12 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – TICKETS
16 – CAMBRIDGE Corn Exchange – TICKETS
17 – BRIGHTON – Dome  – TICKETS
18 – HAYES – Beck Theatre – TICKETS
19 – SALISBURY – City Hall – TICKETS
23 – BARNSLEY – Civic Theatre – TICKETS
24 – SCARBOROUGH – The Spa Theatre – TICKETS
25 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – TICKETS

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