January 6th, 2011


January 2011


Dear Friends of German Comedy,

I have only just calmed down from the Oldham East and Saddleworth by-election. And my fury had nothing to do with Debbie Abrahams winning.
What got my goat was that polling stations closed at 10pm yet the result wasn’t announced until 2am. What have they been doing in those four hours???

Having extensively re-enacted the scenario at home I can guarantee that identifying which candidate has been voted for and chucking the ballot paper onto the relevant pile does not take more than 3 seconds each. This works out as 20 ballot papers per minute or 1,200 per hour.

Considering 34,930 votes were cast we are talking 29.108 man-hours. Let’s very generously add another 2.892 hours for putting them into piles of 100s, adding up the piles and filling in the final paperwork.

We are talking 32 man-hours in total at the most.

Yet TV coverage from Oldham town hall showed at least 50 people counting votes with twice as many pen-pushers watching on. For four hours!

Said Oldham’s council leader Charlie Parker: “Of course we could have done a Sunderland South and announced the result well before 11pm. But we decided to string it out for as long as possible as we’re all on double bubble tonight. Thank you London and the South East!”

The only thing more frustrating than deliberate inefficiency of civil servants are those fowlish chickens [jawohl – I am on comedic fire!!!] in Lower Saxony. Laying poisonous eggs after stuffing their stupid faces with poisonous food? What were they thinking? And why are German farmers being blamed rather than the greedy chickens? And don’t tell me the chickens were only following orders. It’s that nanny state mindset that blames McDonald’s for there being overweight people. People have to take responsibility for their actions. And so do chickens and councils.

Have a great month (year) and see you soon
Henning



September 2017

20 – EPSOM – Playhouse – SOLD OUT
21 – DUNSTABLE – Grove Theatre – SOLD OUT
22 – DARTFORD – The Orchard – TICKETS
23 – TUNBRIDGE WELLS – Assembly Hall – SOLD OUT
29 – CLACTON-on-SEA – Princes Theatre – TICKETS
30 – IPSWICH – Regent Theatre – TICKETS

October 2017

1 – LOWESTOFT – Marina Theatre – TICKETS
4 – BELFAST – Ulster Hall – TICKETS
6 – HIGH WYCOMBE – The Swan – TICKETS
7 – WATFORD – Colosseum – TICKETS
8 – LEAMINGTON SPA – Royal Spa Centre – TICKETS
12 – WREXHAM – William Aston Hall – TICKETS
13 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – SOLD OUT
14 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – SOLD OUT
15 – KETTERING Lighthouse – TICKETS
19 – DONCASTER – Cast – TICKETS
20 – KENDAL – Westmoreland Hall – TICKETS
21 – CARLISLE – Sands Centre – TICKETS
22 – NEWCASTLE – Theatre Royal – SOLD OUT
26 – LONDON – Hackney Empire – TICKETS
27 – WOLVERHAMPTON – Wulfrun Hall – TICKETS
28 – MELTON MOWBRAY – Melton Theatre – TICKETS
29 – CHESTERFIELD – Pomegranate Theatre – TICKETS

November 2017

2 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – SOLD OUT
3 – CRAWLEY – The Hawth  – TICKETS
8 – READING – Hexagon – TICKETS
9 – CANTERBURY – Marlowe Theatre – TICKETS
11 – STOCKPORT – Plaza – TICKETS
12 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – SOLD OUT
16 – CAMBRIDGE Corn Exchange – TICKETS
17 – BRIGHTON – Dome  – TICKETS
18 – HAYES – Beck Theatre – TICKETS
19 – SALISBURY – City Hall – SOLD OUT
23 – BARNSLEY – Civic Theatre – TICKETS
24 – SCARBOROUGH – The Spa Theatre – TICKETS
25 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – SOLD OUT

December 2017

2 – LONDON Cadogan Hall TICKETS

Eins, Zwei, DIY

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