December 5th, 2012


December 2012


Dear Friends of German Comedy,

It’s the Queen here. No, calm down, it’s not. It’s only me.

With emotions running high I’d better not make light of Kate Middleton’s nurse’s suicide. But I immediately knew that nurse wasn’t from round here. No British employee has ever cared enough about their job to commit suicide after making a mistake.

That’s after all what Britain invented self-deprecation for. It doesn’t matter if you mess up in your line of work. As long as you can tell the tale of your underachievement in an entertaining fashion you’ll be alright and in line for promotion.

In a way, the hoax call reminded me of when I was applying for marketing jobs at the 92 English football league clubs back in 2002.

I rang all clubs to see if they had any openings, and ask whom to send my CV to.

Whoever answered Port Vale FC’s phone deserves a medal, as he made me address my application to Barry Bigtits. I was 99% sure the name was made up but a) I had nothing to lose, and b) if that really was the name of the HR person he would have very few applications on his desk as everyone would assume it’s a joke.

Sadly it was a joke.

But rather than death and job-hunting let’s end the final bulletin of the year on a more cheery note and remember what a great success 2012 has been.

Particularly the Olympic Games!

Before, everyone was convinced London 2012 would be a shambles and a half.
But then, against all the odds, it turned out very well.

Luckily since then the debate about future use of the Olympic Stadium has been living up to the expectations. It took the London Legacy Development Corporation five months to appoint West Ham as the preferred bidder! Seeing it’s only them and Leyton Orient in the vicinity you wonder how that decision could have been five months in the making.

It’s like parents pondering who to make the beneficiary of their will – their only child or their cat.

Talking of cats (seamless, I know): who remembers Alan Coren’s “Golfing for Cats”, the 1970s book with the massive swastika on the cover, combining the three most potent sales concepts of the day: golf, cats and Nazis?

There is now a 21st century sham version of that very idea!

www.dialacelebrity.co.uk a website combining the modern British triple obsession of celebrity, charity and mobile phones.

Talking to, say, Neville Southall sets you back an outlandish 20 quid. Per minute!

A half-hour chat would cost you 600 quid! I’m pretty sure Southall does personal appearances for less.

Seriously, whatever you do, don’t phone that number – not even for a laugh or to find out if it’s for real – if I find out you rang them and are hundreds of quid down I won’t be able to forgive myself!

If you’re determined to use your phone, ring 08448 733433 and book tickets for my Authentic German Christmas Do at Leicester Square Theatre. £15.50 for 120 minutes – an astonishing 154 times cheaper than talking to Neville Southall.

Have a great end to 2012 and a sufficiently successful 2013

Henning



February 2018

12 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
13 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
14 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
19 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
20 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS

March 2018

5 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
6 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
12 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
13 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
14 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
19 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
20 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
21 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – TICKETS
22 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT

April 2018

09 – BATH COMEDY FESTIVAL – Widcombe Social Club – TICKETS – Work In Progress
10 – BATH COMEDY FESTIVAL – Widcombe Social Club – TICKETS – Work In Progress
12 – BORDON – The Phoenix Theatre – TICKETS SOON – Work In Progress
13 – BORDON – The Phoenix Theatre – TICKETS SOON – Work In Progress
14 – BORDON – The Phoenix Theatre – TICKETS SOON – Work In Progress
18 – BEVERLEY – East Riding Theatre – TICKETS – Work In Progress
19 – POCKLINGTON – Arts Centre – TICKETS – Work In Progress
20 – POCKLINGTON – Arts Centre – TICKETS – Work In Progress
21 – BEVERLEY – East Riding Theatre – TICKETS – Work In Progress
29 – TRING – The Court Theatre – TICKETS SOON – Work In Progress
30 – TRING – The Court Theatre – TICKETS SOON – Work In Progress

May 2018

11 – GREAT TORRINGTON – Plough Arts – TICKETS – Work In Progress
12 – GREAT TORRINGTON – Plough Arts – TICKETS – Work In Progress
13 – LAUNCESTON – Town Hall – TICKETS – Work in Progress
17 – DARTMOUTH – The Flavel – TICKETS SOON – Work In Progress
18 – FALMOUTH – The Poly – TICKETS SOON – Work In Progress
19 – PENZANCE – The Acorn – TICKETS SOON – Work In Progress

June 2018

2 – HAYWARDS HEATH – Clair Hall – TICKETS SOON – Work in Progress
7 – NORWICH – Playhouse – TICKETS SOON – Work in Progress
8 – NORWICH – Playhouse – TICKETS SOON – Work in Progress
9 – NORWICH – Playhouse – TICKETS SOON – Work in Progress

September 2018

20 – WAVENDON – The Stables – TICKETS SOON
21 – WAVENDON – The Stables – TICKETS SOON
22 – WAVENDON – The Stables – TICKETS SOON
27 – BRIDPORT – Electric Palace – TICKETS
29 – WIMBORNE – Tivoli Theatre – TICKETS

October 2018

4 – LOUGHBOROUGH – Town Hall – TICKETS SOON
6 – GUILDFORD – G Live – TICKETS SOON
11 – BEDFORD – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
12 – LEEDS – City Varieties – TICKETS SOON
13 – LEEDS – City Varieties – TICKETS SOON
18 – CHESTER – Story House – TICKETS SOON
19 – SALFORD – Lowry Lyric Theatre – TICKETS SOON
25 – KINGS LYNN – Corn Exchange – TICKETS SOON
26 – PETERBOROUGH – The Cresset – TICKETS
27 – LINCOLN – The Engine Shed – TICKETS

November 2018

8 – WORTHING – Pavilion – TICKETS SOON
9 – BEXHILL – De La Warr Pavilion – TICKETS SOON
10 – SOUTHEND – Cliff’s Pavilion – TICKETS SOON
15 – ST ALBANS – Alban Arena – TICKETS SOON
16 – DARTFORD – The Orchard – TICKETS SOON
17 – READING – Hexagon – TICKETS
21 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
22 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
23 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
24 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
28 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
29 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
30 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS

December 2018

1 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
5 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
6 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
7 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
8 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
12 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
13 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS 
14 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
15 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS 

 

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