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January 2011

Dear Friends of German Comedy,

I have only just calmed down from the Oldham East and Saddleworth by-election. And my fury had nothing to do with Debbie Abrahams winning.
What got my goat was that polling stations closed at 10pm yet the result wasn’t announced until 2am. What have they been doing in those four hours???

Having extensively re-enacted the scenario at home I can guarantee that identifying which candidate has been voted for and chucking the ballot paper onto the relevant pile does not take more than 3 seconds each. This works out as 20 ballot papers per minute or 1,200 per hour.

Considering 34,930 votes were cast we are talking 29.108 man-hours. Let’s very generously add another 2.892 hours for putting them into piles of 100s, adding up the piles and filling in the final paperwork.

We are talking 32 man-hours in total at the most.

Yet TV coverage from Oldham town hall showed at least 50 people counting votes with twice as many pen-pushers watching on. For four hours!

Said Oldham’s council leader Charlie Parker: “Of course we could have done a Sunderland South and announced the result well before 11pm. But we decided to string it out for as long as possible as we’re all on double bubble tonight. Thank you London and the South East!”

The only thing more frustrating than deliberate inefficiency of civil servants are those fowlish chickens [jawohl – I am on comedic fire!!!] in Lower Saxony. Laying poisonous eggs after stuffing their stupid faces with poisonous food? What were they thinking? And why are German farmers being blamed rather than the greedy chickens? And don’t tell me the chickens were only following orders. It’s that nanny state mindset that blames McDonald’s for there being overweight people. People have to take responsibility for their actions. And so do chickens and councils.

Have a great month (year) and see you soon
Henning


December 2018

12 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
13 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS 
14 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT
15 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – SOLD OUT


February 2019

6 – EXETER – Corn Exchange – SOLD OUT
7 – EXETER – Corn Exchange – SOLD OUT
8 – SWINDON – Wyvern Theatre –TICKETS
9 – SWINDON – Wyvern Theatre –TICKETS
14 – ALDERSHOT – Princes Hall – TICKETS
15 – LEICESTER – De Montfort Hall – TICKETS
16 – BROMLEY – Churchill Theatre – SOLD OUT
17 – BRIGHTON – Dome – TICKETS
20 – WHITLEY BAY – Playhouse – TICKETS
21 – WHITLEY BAY – Playhouse – SOLD OUT – Extra date added 20 Feb
22 – HARROGATE – Royal Hall – SOLD OUT
23 – SHEFFIELD – Octagon – TICKETS


March 2019

1 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – TICKETS – Extra date 16 November
2 – CAMBRIDGE – Corn Exchange – TICKETS – Extra date 23 November
3 – EPSOM – Playhouse – TICKETS
7 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – TICKETS
8 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – TICKETS – Added date
9 – BUXTON – Opera House – TICKETS
22 – STEVENAGE – Concert Hall – TICKETS
23 – CREWE – Lyceum – TICKETS
29 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – SOLD OUT – Extra dates 11 & 12 October – TICKETS
30 – WREXHAM – William Aston Hall – TICKETS
31 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – SOLD OUT – Extra date 13 October –  TICKETS


April 2019

5 – PORT TALBOT – Prince’s Royal Theatre – TICKETS
6 – CARDIFF – St David’s Hall – TICKETS
7 – SOUTHAMPTON – The Mayflower Theatre – TICKETS
12 – SALISBURY – City Hall – TICKETS
13 – TORQUAY – Babbacombe Theatre – TICKETS
14 – CHELTENHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS


May 2019

2 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS
3 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS
4 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS
10 – COVENTRY – Warwick Arts Centre Butterworth Hall – TICKETS
11 – CHESTERFIELD – The Winding Wheel – TICKETS
12 – LICHFIELD – Garrick Theatre – SOLD OUT
16 – CHATHAM – Central Theatre – TICKETS
17 – MARGATE – Winter Gardens – TICKETS
18 – BEXHILL – De La Warr Pavilion – TICKETS
23 – YEOVIL – Westlands – TICKETS
24 – BARNSTAPLE – Queens Theatre – TICKETS
25 – WESTON-SUPER-MARE – Playhouse – TICKETS
26 – BRISTOL – Old Vic – TICKETS
30 – ST ALBANS – Alban Arena – TICKETS
31 – GUILDFORD – G Live – TICKETS


June 2019

1 – READING – Hexagon – TICKETS
6 – WORTHING – Pavilion – TICKETS
7 – SHANKLIN – Shanklin Theatre – TICKETS
8 – BOURNEMOUTH – Pavilion – TICKETS
15 – ST HELIER – Jersey Opera House – TICKETS


July 2019

27 – YORK – The Barbican – TICKETS
28 – MACCLESFIELD – Gawsworth Hall – TICKETS


August 2019

1 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
2 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
3 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
4 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
8 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
9 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
10 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
11 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
15 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
16 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
17 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
18 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
22 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
23 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
24 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
25 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS


September 2019

26 – REDHILL – The Harlequin – TICKETS
27 – WATFORD – Collosseum – TICKETS
28 – NORTHAMPTON – Derngate – TICKETS


October 2019

3 – CHELMSFORD – Civic Theatre – TICKETS SOON
4 – IPSWICH – Regent Theatre – TICKETS
5 – NORWICH– Theatre Royal – TICKETS
6 – DARTFORD – The Orchard – TICKETS SOON
10 – TUNBRIDGE WELLS– Assembly Hall – TICKETS
11 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS
12 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS
13 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – TICKETS
18 – GLASGOW – Pavilion Theatre – TICKETS
19 – DUNFERMLINE – Alhambra Theatre – TICKETS SOON
20 – NEWCASTLE upon TYNE – Theatre Royal – TICKETS
25 – PORTSMOUTH – Guildhall – TICKETS
26 – LONDON – PALLADIUM – TICKETS – On Sale 10am Fri 14 December


November 2019

7 – DONCASTER – Cast – TICKETS SOON
8 – KENDAL – Leisure Centre – TICKETS
9 – CARLISLE – The Sands – TICKETS
14 – DUNSTABLE – Grove Theatre – TICKETS
15 – HIGH WYCOMBE – Wycombe Swan – TICKETS
16 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – TICKETS SOON
22 – COLCHESTER – Charter Hall – TICKETS
23 – CAMBRIDGE – Corn Exchange – TICKETS SOON
29 – DORKING – Dorking Halls – TICKETS SOON
30 – CRAWLEY – The Hawth – TICKETS


December 2019

5 – BRADFORD – St Georges Hall – TICKETS
6 – MIDDLESBROUGH – Town Hall – TICKETS
8 – SCARBOROUGH – Spa Hall – TICKETS SOON


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