This Bulletin is from June 22nd, 2006

Come on, England – Germany expects

Lucky England. Poor Swedes. That is the summary after the last four matches of Groups A and B. It was great to see how both teams tried to avoid playing Germany in the last 16.
The best scene of the England v Sweden match came shortly after the Swedes equalised for the second time and pressed for the winner. Steven Gerrard got hold of the ball and hoofed it into Row Z in an attempt to hang on to England’s lead in the group just so they could play Ecuador.
Undoubtedly both sides had seen Germany hammer the South Americans in the afternoon in what must have been the best performance of any team at World Cup 2006. Forget about the Argentines’ 20-odd pass move – Germany efficiently needed half as many touches to put the ball in the back of the net. I cannot believe I did not back Miroslav Klose to become top scorer at 27-1 prior to the tournament.

I wouldn’t have thought that I would write so euphorically about Deutschland, but the recent improvements have been massive. Ecuador only got into our half when they had to restart the match after conceding another goal. Now all Germany expects nothing less than victory – especially if the other teams rest their best players when they play us.

Before the England game I got asked by a big, tattoo- riddled Yorkshireman, whom I met in a pub outside Cologne’s RheinEnergieStadion, how big a deal a last-16 encounter with England would be for Germans.

Well, try to answer that one without offending anyone. Bear in mind that Germany have been to 12 finals in major competitions and England to one. I replied with another question: “How big a deal do you think is it for Man United supporters to play West Brom in the third round of the FA Cup – at home?” Then I ran away.

The best thing about my day in Cologne was that I managed to get into the ground. Don’t ask me how but all I needed was a used ticket for Switzerland v Togo, a match that had been played the previous day in Dortmund. The ticket controls at the World Cup are worse than anybody could have imagined.

Being Germany’s Comedy Ambassador in the United Kingdom, I shall cross my fingers for England in their next three matches.
Winning the World Cup is one thing but beating you in the final gives me bragging rights for the rest of my days. Even if they might be numbered.


Current Live Dates...

March 2019

1 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – SOLD OUT – Extra date 16 November – TICKETS
2 – CAMBRIDGE – Corn Exchange – TICKETS – Extra date 23 November
3 – EPSOM – Playhouse – SOLD OUT
7 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – SOLD OUT
8 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – SOLD OUT
9 – BUXTON – Opera House – SOLD OUT
22 – STEVENAGE – Concert Hall – SOLD OUT
23 – CREWE – Lyceum – SOLD OUT
29 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – SOLD OUT – Extra dates 11 & 12 October – TICKETS
30 – WREXHAM – William Aston Hall – SOLD OUT
31 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – SOLD OUT – Extra date 13 October –  TICKETS


April 2019

5 – PORT TALBOT – Prince’s Royal Theatre – TICKETS
6 – CARDIFF – St David’s Hall – TICKETS
7 – SOUTHAMPTON – The Mayflower Theatre – TICKETS
11 – BATH – Forum – TICKETS
12 – SALISBURY – City Hall – SOLD OUT Extra date 2st February 2020 TICKETS
13 – TORQUAY – Babbacombe Theatre – SOLD OUT
14 – CHELTENHAM – Town Hall – SOLD OUT Extra date added 20th February 2020


May 2019

2 – OXFORD – Playhouse – SOLD OUT
3 – OXFORD – Playhouse – SOLD OUT
4 – OXFORD – Playhouse – SOLD OUT
10 – COVENTRY – Warwick Arts Centre Butterworth Hall – TICKETS
11 – CHESTERFIELD – The Winding Wheel – TICKETS
12 – LICHFIELD – Garrick Theatre – SOLD OUT
16 – CHATHAM – Central Theatre – TICKETS
17 – MARGATE – Winter Gardens – TICKETS
18 – BEXHILL – De La Warr Pavilion – TICKETS
23 – YEOVIL – Westlands – TICKETS
24 – BARNSTAPLE – Queens Theatre – TICKETS
25 – WESTON-SUPER-MARE – Playhouse – TICKETS
26 – BRISTOL – Old Vic – SOLD OUT
30 – ST ALBANS – Alban Arena – SOLD OUT
31 – GUILDFORD – G Live – TICKETS


June 2019

1 – READING – Hexagon – TICKETS
6 – WORTHING – Pavilion – TICKETS
7 – SHANKLIN – Shanklin Theatre – SOLD OUT
8 – BOURNEMOUTH – Pavilion – TICKETS
15 – ST HELIER – Jersey Opera House – TICKETS


July 2019

27 – YORK – The Barbican – TICKETS
28 – MACCLESFIELD – Gawsworth Hall – TICKETS


August 2019

1 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
2 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
3 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall –  TICKETS
4 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall –  TICKETS
8 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall –  TICKETS
9 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall –  TICKETS
10 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
11 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
15 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
16 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
17 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
18 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
22 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
23 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
24 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS
25 – EDINBURGH – The Queen’s Hall – TICKETS


September 2019

26 – REDHILL – The Harlequin – TICKETS
27 – WATFORD – Collosseum – TICKETS
28 – NORTHAMPTON – Derngate – TICKETS


October 2019

3 – CHELMSFORD – Civic Theatre – TICKETS
4 – IPSWICH – Regent Theatre – TICKETS
5 – NORWICH– Theatre Royal – TICKETS
6 – DARTFORD – The Orchard – TICKETS
10 – TUNBRIDGE WELLS– Assembly Hall – TICKETS
11 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS
12 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS
13 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – TICKETS
17 – NEW BRIGHTON – Floral Pavilion – TICKETS SOON
18 – GLASGOW – Pavilion Theatre – TICKETS
19 – DUNFERMLINE – Alhambra Theatre – TICKETS
20 – NEWCASTLE upon TYNE – Theatre Royal – TICKETS
25 – PORTSMOUTH – Guildhall – TICKETS
26 – LONDON – PALLADIUM – TICKETS


November 2019

7 – DONCASTER – Cast – TICKETS
8 – KENDAL – Leisure Centre – TICKETS
9 – CARLISLE – The Sands – TICKETS
14 – DUNSTABLE – Grove Theatre – TICKETS
15 – HIGH WYCOMBE – Wycombe Swan – TICKETS
16 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – TICKETS
21 – CANTERBURY – Marlowe Theatre- TICKETS
22 – COLCHESTER – Charter Hall – TICKETS
23 – CAMBRIDGE – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
29 – DORKING – Dorking Halls – TICKETS
30 – CRAWLEY – The Hawth – TICKETS


December 2019

5 – BRADFORD – St Georges Hall – TICKETS
6 – MIDDLESBROUGH – Town Hall – TICKETS
8 – SCARBOROUGH – Spa Hall – TICKETS


February 2020

20 – CHELTENHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS SOON
21 – SALISBURY – City Hall – TICKETS
22 – WEYMOUTH – Pavilion- TICKETS
27 – RHYL – Pavilion – TICKETS
28 – STOCKPORT – Plaza – TICKETS
22 – PRESTON – Charter Theatre – TICKETS SOON


March 2020

6 – HULL – City Hall – TICKETS
7 – LINCOLN – Engine Shed – TICKETS SOON
8 – PETERBOROUGH – The Cresset – TICKETS
26 – SWANSEA – Grand Theatre – TICKETS
27 – NEWPORT – The Neon – TICKETS
28 – POOLE – Lighthouse – TICKETS SOON
29 – BRIGHTON – Dome – TICKETS


April 2020

2 – STAFFORD – Gatehouse – TICKETS SOON
3 – SOUTHPORT – Theatre – TICKETS SOON
5 – DOUGLAS ISLE OF MAN – Gaiety Theatre – TICKETS


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