This Bulletin is from June 16th, 2006

Flags out now but I wouldn’t put one on my BMW

Let’s hear it for Oliver Neuville for his goal against Poland. Is there a better way to win than by scoring in injury time? OK, penalties are better but we’ll wait for that until we play England. Let’s also hear it for the bloke who sold me a halfway line ticket for only 100 quid outside Westfalenstadion.

So far it has been possible to buy tickets for more or less face value for all but the England matches with loads of sponsors’ tickets being available. The trouble with England is that supporters are so used to paying exorbitant prices for domestic matches that there is little hesitation in forking out astronomical amounts for internationals. Germany is unrecognisable at the moment.
In stark contrast to British stereotypes involving beach towels, Germans are usually eager to keep a low profile and not to show off national insignias. Not now. I have never seen so many black-red-yellow flags in my life. There’s hardly a house or shop without one. And after beating Poland the euphoria will increase even further.

Unlike England, though, there are very few car flags. And the ones you do see are all fixed onto cheap, foreign-made vehicles to increase their perceived value. I personally wouldn’t stick one on my BMW it would only spoil the car’s superbly low air resistance. And when you’re travelling at 150mph on the Autobahn nobody can identify the flag anyway. (Speed is also why Germany doesn’t have any train spotters. The trains are travelling far too fast to take down the registration numbers.)

It goes without saying that all businesses try shamelessly to associate themselves with the World Cup. My local bakery sells a gingerbread named after striker Lukas Podolski. However, the biscuit looks nothing like the striker or any human being. Unless the person took part in that infamous German drug trial.

Let’s hope Wayne Rooney plays against Sweden and brings his tedious injury saga to an end. This whole story shows once again how football has changed. In the good old days he would have said “Gaffer, I’m ready” and would have played. No scans, no lawyers. Where did it all go wrong?
And should Rooney’s return cost Peter Crouch his place in the team I know the perfect Ersatzbefriedigung for him.
He could play for England at the Robocup 2006, the roboter World Cup which is held in Bremen, northern Germany, this week. His trademark dance routine would go down very well with his fellow robots in the humanoid category.


Current Live Dates...

September 2018

19 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
20 – WAVENDON – The Stables – SOLD OUT
21 – WAVENDON – The Stables – SOLD OUT
22 – WAVENDON – The Stables – SOLD OUT
26 – BRIDPORT – Electric Palace – SOLD OUT
27 – BRIDPORT – Electric Palace – SOLD OUT
28 – WIMBORNE – Tivoli Theatre – SOLD OUT
29 – WIMBORNE – Tivoli Theatre – SOLD OUT


October 2018

4 – LOUGHBOROUGH – Town Hall – SOLD OUT
5 – MALVERN – Forum – SOLD OUT
6 – GUILDFORD – G Live – SOLD OUT – Extra date 31st May 2019
7 – LEAMINGTON SPA – Royal Spa Centre – SOLD OUT
11 – BEDFORD – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
12 – LEEDS – City Varieties – SOLD OUT
13 – LEEDS – City Varieties – SOLD OUT
18 – CHESTER – Story House – SOLD OUT
19 – SALFORD – Lowry Lyric Theatre – TICKETS
20 – SALFORD – Lowry Lyric Theatre – TICKETS
25 – KINGS LYNN – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
26 – PETERBOROUGH – The Cresset – TICKETS
27 – LINCOLN – The Engine Shed – TICKETS


November 2018

8 – WORTHING – Pavilion – SOLD OUT – Extra date 6 June 2019 – TICKETS
9 – BEXHILL – De La Warr Pavilion – SOLD OUT – Extra date 18 May 2019 – TICKETS
10 – SOUTHEND – Cliff’s Pavilion – TICKETS
15 – ST ALBANS – Alban Arena – SOLD OUT – Extra date 30 May 2019 – TICKETS
16 – DARTFORD – The Orchard – TICKETS
17 – READING – Hexagon – SOLD OUT – Extra date 1 Jun 2019 – TICKETS
21 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
22 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
23 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
24 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
28 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
29 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
30 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS


December 2018

1 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
5 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
6 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
7 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
8 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
12 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
13 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS 
14 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
15 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS 


February 2019

6 – EXETER – Corn Exchange –TICKETS
7 – EXETER – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
8 – SWINDON – Wyvern Theatre –TICKETS
9 – SWINDON – Wyvern Theatre –TICKETS
14 – ALDERSHOT – Princes Hall – TICKETS
15 – LEICESTER – De Montfort Hall – TICKETS
16 – BROMLEY – Churchill Theatre –TICKETS
17 – BRIGHTON – Dome – TICKETS
20 – WHITLEY BAY – Playhouse – TICKETS
21 – WHITLEY BAY – Playhouse – SOLD OUT – Extra date added 20 Feb
22 – HARROGATE – Royal Hall – TICKETS
23 – SHEFFIELD – Octagon – TICKETS


March 2019

1 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – TICKETS
2 – CAMBRIDGE – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
3 – EPSOM – Playhouse – TICKETS
7 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – TICKETS
8 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – TICKETS – Added date
9 – BUXTON – Opera House – TICKETS
22 – STEVENAGE – Concert Hall – TICKETS
23 – CREWE – Lyceum – TICKETS
29 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS
30 – WREXHAM – William Aston Hall – TICKETS 
31 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – TICKETS


April 2019

5 – PORT TALBOT – Prince’s Royal Theatre – TICKETS
6 – CARDIFF – St David’s Hall – TICKETS
7 – SOUTHAMPTON – The Mayflower Theatre – TICKETS
12 – SALISBURY – City Hall – TICKETS
13 – TORQUAY – Babbacombe Theatre – TICKETS
14 – CHELTENHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS


May 2019

2 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS
3 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS
4 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS
10 – COVENTRY – Warwick Arts Centre Butterworth Hall – TICKETS
11 – CHESTERFIELD – The Winding Wheel – TICKETS SOON
12 – LICHFIELD – Garrick Theatre – TICKETS
16 – CHATHAM – Central Theatre – TICKETS
17 – MARGATE – Winter Gardens – TICKETS
18 – BEXHILL – De La Warr Pavilion – TICKETS
23 – YEOVIL – Westlands – TICKETS
24 – BARNSTAPLE – Queens Theatre – TICKETS
25 – WESTON-SUPER-MARE – Playhouse – TICKETS
30 – ST ALBANS – Alban Arena – TICKETS
31 – GUILDFORD – G Live – TICKETS SOON


June 2019

1 – READING – Hexagon – TICKETS
6 – WORTHING – Pavilion – TICKETS
7 – SHANKLIN – Shanklin Theatre – TICKETS
8 – BOURNEMOUTH – Pavilion – TICKETS
15 – ST HELIER – Jersey Opera House – TICKETS SOON


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