This Bulletin is from June 5th, 2006

Remember just one thing: Don’t mention the score

Being the German Comedy Ambassador to the United Kingdom is getting more difficult by the day. Apparently, England are only a few weeks away from winning the World Cup and, despite a bus-load of broken bones, have been speeding on the “Autobahn to glory” for months now.

The excitement is tangible in the comedy clubs up and down the country, where I as German Comedy Ambassador get heckled with evergreens such as 5-1 and Two World Wars and One World Cup on a daily basis. I must admit I don’t understand the latter. I follow football very closely but to my knowledge, the USA have never won a World Cup.

Hosting the tournament is a great honour for the Fatherland but it couldn’t have come at a worse time as Nationalmannschaft, the German team, isn’t what it used to be. German football has been struggling for some time now. In fact, we haven’t won a major international competition for ten years and haven’t even been to final of one for almost four. Would you believe it?

Talking of all those years of hurt, the British media make a big deal of what England fans are allowed to sing in Germany and how well or not songs about 10 bombers or the number of balls of a former head of state sit with the locals. In fact nobody will mind as long as it’s not a Sunday or past 8pm, the times when Germans like a quiet rest.
Let’s be realistic – what are England supporters expected to mention if not the war? I have lived here for the past four years and can’t remember a single programme on telly that featured Germany before 1933 or past 1945. Let me put it this way – if it wasn’t for the BBC I still wouldn’t know how to goose step. I therefore wasn’t surprised in the slightest to hear about plans (later cancelled due to “bad weather”) to open David Beckham’s World Cup party with a fly-past of a Spitfire, a Hurricane and a Lancaster.

With a week to go, hundreds of thousands of England supporters have already bought their Marmite jars and are ready for their trip to the Fatherland to meet the friendly locals and policemen. I heard the other day that Germans are now better liked abroad because of the current economic failure. This apparently makes Germans come across as more human. I must admit I preferred the days when we were regarded as clinically efficient super-humans and won the World Cups to back this up.

But the travelling fans could not have wished for a more scenic country to visit. Forget Margate, Rimini and Benidorm – Germany is the most beautiful holiday destination in the world. Hamburg and the sea in the North, Munich and the mountains in the South, the Ruhr valley and its coal mines in the West and Berlin and its former glory in the East. Not that England will make it to Berlin.

On that point, it was good to see the collective relief of Eriksson, the FA and all true England supporters once Wayne Rooney injured his metatarsal. This provides them with the perfect excuse for failure before a single ball has been kicked. To be fair, with or without Rooney, England look to be in good shape. Not good enough to win it but definitely good enough to do another Henman, i.e. getting the whole country excited and then crashing out in the quarter-finals.

And hats off to Sven Goran Eriksson for calling up Theo Walcott. The young Arsenal striker might be the future of international football. Gone are the days when 22 players, all leading players from their respective clubs, came together and fought for their positions. Many a player left with bruised ego after being confined to the bench. Some silent, others vented their anger openly at the manager, team-mates or press. This won’t be the case with Theo Walcott as sitting in the stands is exactly what Arsenal pays him for all year round.

But it’s going to be very interesting to see how England cope with the extra pressure of this being their last ever chance to win the World Cup again. Not because the Irish will invade within the next four years but because FIFA announced that World Cup 2010 will see the introduction of an intelligent ball, which will indicate whether it crossed the line or not. It is a shame that this technology had not yet been invented in 1966. Where was German engineering when we needed it most?

My predictions? I would like to see Michael Ballack parading the World Cup on an open top bus through Brandenburger Tor but will be happy if in a month’s time I’m not worrying about a whole new set of English heckles. But until Germany win again, this will be my reply: “Three World Cups and One World Pope!”

Enjoy the World Cup – Auf geht’s Deutschland!


Current Live Dates...

July 2018

24 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
25 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT
26 – LONDON – Betsey Trotwood – SOLD OUT


August 2018

2 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
3 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
4 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
5 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
8 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
9 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
10 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
11 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
12 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
15 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
16 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
17 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
18 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
19 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
22 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
23 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
24 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
25 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT
26 EDINBURGH – Just The Tonic Caves – SOLD OUT


September 2018

20 – WAVENDON – The Stables – SOLD OUT
21 – WAVENDON – The Stables – SOLD OUT
22 – WAVENDON – The Stables – SOLD OUT
26 – BRIDPORT – Electric Palace – SOLD OUT
27 – BRIDPORT – Electric Palace – SOLD OUT
28 – WIMBORNE – Tivoli Theatre – SOLD OUT
29 – WIMBORNE – Tivoli Theatre – SOLD OUT


October 2018

4 – LOUGHBOROUGH – Town Hall – TICKETS
5 – MALVERN – Forum – SOLD OUT
6 – GUILDFORD – G Live – SOLD OUT
7 – LEAMINGTON SPA – Royal Spa Centre – TICKETS
11 – BEDFORD – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
12 – LEEDS – City Varieties – TICKETS
13 – LEEDS – City Varieties – TICKETS
18 – CHESTER – Story House – SOLD OUT
19 – SALFORD – Lowry Lyric Theatre – TICKETS
20 – SALFORD – Lowry Lyric Theatre – TICKETS
25 – KINGS LYNN – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
26 – PETERBOROUGH – The Cresset – TICKETS
27 – LINCOLN – The Engine Shed – TICKETS


November 2018

8 – WORTHING – Pavilion – TICKETS
9 – BEXHILL – De La Warr Pavilion – TICKETS
10 – SOUTHEND – Cliff’s Pavilion – TICKETS
15 – ST ALBANS – Alban Arena – SOLD OUT – Extra date 30 May 2019 – TICKETS
16 – DARTFORD – The Orchard – TICKETS
17 – READING – Hexagon – TICKETS
21 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
22 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
23 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
24 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
28 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
29 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
30 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS


December 2018

1 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
5 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
6 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
7 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
8 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
12 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
13 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS 
14 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
15 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS 

 


February 2019

6 – EXETER – Corn Exchange –TICKETS
7 – EXETER – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
8 – SWINDON – Wyvern Theatre –TICKETS
9 – SWINDON – Wyvern Theatre –TICKETS
14 – ALDERSHOT – Princes Hall – TICKETS
15 – LEICESTER – De Montfort Hall – TICKETS
16 – BROMLEY – Churchill Theatre –TICKETS
17 – BRIGHTON – Dome – TICKETS
21 – WHITLEY BAY – Playhouse – TICKETS
22 – HARROGATE – Royal Hall – TICKETS
23 – SHEFFIELD – Octagon – TICKETS


March 2019

1 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – TICKETS
2 – CAMBRIDGE – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
7 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – TICKETS
9 – BUXTON – Opera House – TICKETS
22 – STEVENAGE – Concert Hall – TICKETS
23 – CREWE – Lyceum – TICKETS
29 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS
30 – WREXHAM – William Aston Hall – TICKETS 
31 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – TICKETS


April 2019

5 – PORT TALBOT – Prince’s Royal Theatre – TICKETS
6 – CARDIFF – St David’s Hall – TICKETS
7 – SOUTHAMPTON – The Mayflower Theatre – TICKETS
12 – SALISBURY – City Hall – TICKETS
13 – TORQUAY – Babbacombe Theatre – TICKETS
14 – CHELTENHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS


May 2019

2 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS SOON
3 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS SOON
4 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS SOON
10 – COVENTRY – Warwick Arts Centre Butterworth Hall – TICKETS
16 – CHATHAM – Central Theatre – TICKETS SOON
17 – MARGATE – Winter Gardens – TICKETS
23 – YEOVIL – Westlands – TICKETS SOON
24 – BARNSTAPLE – Queens Theatre – TICKETS SOON
25 – WESTON-SUPER-MARE – Playhouse – TICKETS SOON


Sign Up For Henning's Newsletter

Pop your details in here... MORE INFO