This Bulletin is from June 9th, 2006

The bookies’ nightmare: Otto the elderly German

Only a few hours to go before Germany steamroller Costa Rica in the opening game of World Cup 2006. Or do at least a lot better than the last time Germany held an international in Munich. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but the match in question saw a certain diminutive Scouser nicked a hat-trick.

Costa Rica, meanwhile, deserve a good beating simply because they are a symbol of everything that is wrong with modern football. Some of those Latin Americans sport long hair, Alice bands and multicoloured boots. Pathetic! Does it make them better footballers? Of course not. We all know that the only way to improve is by putting the hours in on the running track.

I’m sure most of you will have done the sensible thing and spent the last fortnight putting the hours in studying the bookies’ mistakes. I have and my hot tip for the World Cup is this: Put all your money on Togo to win the tournament. They are 750-1 rank outsiders and have no track record of any footballing success to date.
But, like Euro 2004’s surprise winner Greece, they have a German manager whose first name is Otto and who isn’t rated in the Fatherland. Greece’s Rehhagel and Togo’s Pfister are also both in their late sixties. Do you need any more similarities?

Italy’s 8-1 odds are surprisingly short if you consider how difficult it must be for the team to focus on football now that their league is engulfed by a bribery scandal. I couldn’t care less about the goings-on in Seria A but I am annoyed that the Agnelli family allegedly threw money all over the place to help Juventus but failed to provide Ferrari with the funds to build Michael Schumacher a competitive Formula One car.

It’s a shame that one can’t bet on the most blatant piece of bandwagon jumping in relation to the World Cup. The leader so far must be the Prince William. He tried to improve his street credibility by declaring himself a die-hard Aston Villa supporter. Ridiculous. William should at least have the decency to support his local team – Hanover 96. It’s no surprise that Germans prefer his brother Harry, who shows more pride and awareness towards his family’s history.

As for England it’s a sure bet that you’ll beat Paraguay tomorrow. Their star striker Roque Santa Cruz doesn’t even always tuck his shirt in his short trousers properly. Do you need more proof that they lack the required attitude?


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September 2018

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October 2018

4 – LOUGHBOROUGH – Town Hall – TICKETS
5 – MALVERN – Forum – SOLD OUT
6 – GUILDFORD – G Live – SOLD OUT
7 – LEAMINGTON SPA – Royal Spa Centre – TICKETS
11 – BEDFORD – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
12 – LEEDS – City Varieties – TICKETS
13 – LEEDS – City Varieties – TICKETS
18 – CHESTER – Story House – SOLD OUT
19 – SALFORD – Lowry Lyric Theatre – TICKETS
20 – SALFORD – Lowry Lyric Theatre – TICKETS
25 – KINGS LYNN – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
26 – PETERBOROUGH – The Cresset – TICKETS
27 – LINCOLN – The Engine Shed – TICKETS


November 2018

8 – WORTHING – Pavilion – TICKETS
9 – BEXHILL – De La Warr Pavilion – TICKETS
10 – SOUTHEND – Cliff’s Pavilion – TICKETS
15 – ST ALBANS – Alban Arena – SOLD OUT – Extra date 30 May 2019 – TICKETS
16 – DARTFORD – The Orchard – TICKETS
17 – READING – Hexagon – TICKETS
21 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
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28 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
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December 2018

1 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
5 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
6 – LONDON – Leicester Square Theatre – TICKETS
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February 2019

6 – EXETER – Corn Exchange –TICKETS
7 – EXETER – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
8 – SWINDON – Wyvern Theatre –TICKETS
9 – SWINDON – Wyvern Theatre –TICKETS
14 – ALDERSHOT – Princes Hall – TICKETS
15 – LEICESTER – De Montfort Hall – TICKETS
16 – BROMLEY – Churchill Theatre –TICKETS
17 – BRIGHTON – Dome – TICKETS
21 – WHITLEY BAY – Playhouse – TICKETS
22 – HARROGATE – Royal Hall – TICKETS
23 – SHEFFIELD – Octagon – TICKETS


March 2019

1 – BASINGSTOKE – The Anvil – TICKETS
2 – CAMBRIDGE – Corn Exchange – TICKETS
7 – NOTTINGHAM – Playhouse – TICKETS
9 – BUXTON – Opera House – TICKETS
22 – STEVENAGE – Concert Hall – TICKETS
23 – CREWE – Lyceum – TICKETS
29 – BIRMINGHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS
30 – WREXHAM – William Aston Hall – TICKETS 
31 – SHREWSBURY – Theatre Severn – TICKETS


April 2019

5 – PORT TALBOT – Prince’s Royal Theatre – TICKETS
6 – CARDIFF – St David’s Hall – TICKETS
7 – SOUTHAMPTON – The Mayflower Theatre – TICKETS
12 – SALISBURY – City Hall – TICKETS
13 – TORQUAY – Babbacombe Theatre – TICKETS
14 – CHELTENHAM – Town Hall – TICKETS


May 2019

2 – OXFORD – Playhouse – TICKETS SOON
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10 – COVENTRY – Warwick Arts Centre Butterworth Hall – TICKETS
16 – CHATHAM – Central Theatre – TICKETS SOON
17 – MARGATE – Winter Gardens – TICKETS
23 – YEOVIL – Westlands – TICKETS SOON
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