Dear Friends of German Comedy,
I am absolutely gutted!
It has now been 12 long years of not winning a trophy and we even had to wait for a place in a final for six years. In fact until June 25th we hadn’t even been to a semi-final of a major football tournament for almost twenty-four months. Oh, all those years of hurt are starting to get to me.
Biggest losers other than the Fatherland and the few countries that didn’t make it to the tournament were ticket touts. UEFA drove them out of business by demanding face value prices beyond the daily withdrawal limit of most people’s debit cards.
Luckily flights from and to London were dead cheap.
Just as upsetting as Germany’s on-pitch failure was a security breach involving fellow stand-up Nick Wilty. The cold-blooded Falklands veteran took advantage of my countrymen being busy drinking beer and singing the national anthem instead of being red-alert. Even at former high security institutions.
Nick left Blighty the day after the opening game, flew to Leipzig and made his way to Colditz Castle, now used as a youth hostel. At night during curfew he escaped by simply climbing out the window and down the outer wall with the help of several tied together bed sheets. Embarrassing! No wonder we lost the war…
Have a great month and my sincerest apologies once again for the Fatherland’s lack of success at Euro 2008