Dear Friends of German Comedy,
Finally here it is: the bulletin for May.
It would have been with you much earlier but I couldn’t see my computer screen clearly.
First the Thatcher funeral, then Queen Beatrix’s retirement, then Alex Ferguson’s retirement, then David Beckham’s retirement and then Germany’s god-awful contribution to the European song contest, I’ve had Only Teardrops in my eyes all month.
I’m no Warren Buffet but even I can tell you it’s time to sell all your Spanish and Albanian bonds – the fact these countries gave Germany’s Cascada any points at all can only mean they’re jostling for position in the race for bailout packages.
The only other three countries to have given Germany any votes were Austria, Switzerland and Israel. So much for countries voting for their neighbours! Germany only got voted for by two of our nine neighbours, the two that are stray bits of Germany anyway. Plus Israel, whose entire existence is down to German actions with a bit of help from Lord Balfour.
Good to see Spain coming in 25th – which is roughly where they will soon be in the sporting world, too, now Senor Fuentes has been forced into early retirement. The 7-0 drubbing of Barcelona by Bayern wouldn’t have happened in his heyday.
As for the final itself I’m still undecided who I want to see lose more. It’s only typical that my team Schalke are the only German side not making it to Wembley.
Neither did PSG with David Beckham. Not that Becks needs a Champions League final appearance to be remembered as one of the greatest. Only the most jealous wannabes would question his sporting accomplishments. Who could possibly forget his legacy-building equalizer? Against Greece. In a qualifier. At home.
Cunningly, Beckham’s non-appearance at Wembley gives him the chance to take Victoria and the kids to Bury and Ramsbottom for their phenomenal Wartime Weekend. Sadly I had to cancel my plans to attend and be jovial host to some Dortmund supporters instead.
Anyway, have a great month and, if you can, take in all those Feldmarschalls and Obersturmbandfuehrers marching up and down Bury High Street.
Please find below a list of upcoming gigs. It would be great to see you at one of those.