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May 2020

Dear Friends of German Comedy,

I hope you’re sufficiently alert without tiring yourselves out with all that alertness.

Like most people I had planned to make the most of the time off and learn a new language but what’s the point of being the 10 million and first person to be fluent in Japanese after this lockdown? That’s why I have gone one better and INVENTED a new language altogether: German Rhyming Slang.

I love Cockney rhyming slang since the moment I arrived on these shores in 2002!

But languages evolve and now it’s time for the next stage of rhyming slang development. Move over Pete Tong, Leo Sayer, Danny La Rue and Rosy Lee: these days it’s all about German rhyming slang. And it’s very easy to pick up! There’s a few examples in the next paragraph. See if you can work them out. Solutions at the bottom of this email.

We can all agree everyday life is in a right old RUDOLF and this virus is a proper BORIS. If this lark carries on for too long the country will go MATHIAS. Until now you weren’t allowed to see any of your MERCEDES but at least what with the sunny weather you’re bound to have a good OLIVER. Just make sure the police don’t catch you outside your ENGELBERT as you might end up in the FRANZ. But if we ignore the economic hardship all this causes then this EVA is a bit of DINNER FOR ONE. A right STEFFI. Just make sure you always have some VON CLOMP in the fridge until the government decides to stop going round in ANGIES and get the country out of this HELMUT.

In the meantime keep calm and put on the SEBASTIAN.

All the best and see you before long


Please find below a list of upcoming gigs. As you can see the April dates have been moved to the autumn. No idea if theatres will be up and running by then but there’s always misguided hope…

RUDOLF Hess = mess
BORIS Becker = wrecker
MATHIAS Rust = bust
MERCEDES Benz = friends
OLIVER Kahn = tan
ENGELBERT Strauss = house
FRANZ Klammer = slammer
EVA Braun = lockdown
STEFFI Graf = laugh
VON CLOMP = plonk
ANGIE Merkel = circle
HELMUT Schmidt = shit
SEBASTIAN Vettel = kettle

September 2020

6th - SOUTHEND - Palace Theatre (This date has had to move again - now scheduled 14th FEBRUARY 2021)
8th - SWANSEA - Grand Theatre (This date has had to move again - details soon)
9th - POOLE - Lighthouse (This date has had to move again - now scheduled 11th FEBRUARY 2021)
10th - BRIGHTON - Dome (This date has had to move again - now scheduled 3rd FEBRUARY 2021)
16th - LONDON - Hackney Empire (This date has had to move again - now scheduled 12th FEBRUARY 2021)
19th - SOUTHPORT - Southport Theatre (THEATRE IN ADMINISTRATION - Contact Sefton Council)
20th - STAFFORD - Gatehouse (This date has had to move again - now scheduled 28th JANUARY 2021)

22nd - LONDON - Betsey Trotwood - SOLD OUT

29th - LONDON - Betsey Trotwood - TICKETS (This is actually happening!!!)

30th - LONDON - Betsey Trotwood - TICKETS (This is actually happening!!!)

October 2020

21st - Douglas Isle of Man - Gaiety Theatre (This is now happening on Feb 27th next year. Allegedly.)

January 2021

28th - STAFFORD - Gatehouse - TICKETS
29th - LONDON - Cadogan Hall - TICKETS

February 2021

11th - POOLE - Lighthouse - TICKETS
12th - LONDON - Hackney Empire - TICKETS
14th - SOUTHEND - Pavilion Theatre - TICKETS
27th - DOUGLAS I.O.M. - Gaiety Theatre - TICKETS

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