October 2009

Dear Friends of German Comedy,

This Saturday it’s time for Germany to do an England and qualify for World Cup 2010!

What Germany will not do no matter the score away to Russia is declare World Cup qualification as a way to economic recovery.

No sooner had England overcome Croatia than papers were full of stories that the economy will benefit from a nationwide £1.2bn spending spree on booze and big TVs.

As far as I understand, over-indulgence and frittering away money one doesn’t have, both deriving from a false sense of entitlement, have been the main contributing factors behind the recession in the first place.

In fact, last summer (Euro 2008, remember? Thought not.) must have been the most productive summer in English history. Everyone got on with their lives and tried their utmost to forget the rest of Europe were having a football tournament.

The positive effects must have been felt by employers in Scotland, Wales and Ireland, too, as their staff didn’t have to waste their time cheering on England’s opponents and could focus on their daily chores instead. Everyone was a winner. Particularly Spain.

If a month-long hangover with zero productivity is a way to kick-start an economy then the government needn’t wait until next summer. They could just as well legalize heroin now and make its consumption mandatory.

In many ways going the heroin route would be the safer option. Because England winning the World Cup would spell the death knell for Britain’s only thriving business sector – the betting industry. The English betting market is so patriotic that it’s fair to assume William Hill and Ladbrokes et al would have to declare insolvency the moment John Terry lifts the cup. And only un-British traitors can wish such misfortune on the great British bookmaking tradition.

Auf Wiedersehen, have a great month and don’t forget to tune in to ESPN this Saturday at 4pm to watch Russia – Germany.

Henning

Please find below a list of my upcoming gigs. It would be great to see you at one of those.

And if you can’t make any of them you could do worse than ORDER OTTO KUHNLE AND MY NEW DVD ‘1000 YEARS OF GERMAN HUMOUR’ AVAILABLE ON www.henningwehn.de